From Grief to Growth: How My Dad’s Words Shape My Business

Six years ago, my dad passed away. At his wake, as I pieced together photos of his life, I kept hearing his voice asking me:

'What will your legacy be?'

That question has shaped everything I do today - as a working mom, HR leader, and entrepreneur building a lifestyle business to 'retire' in 5 years instead of 65.

In this special, reflective episode, I share the timeless lessons my dad taught me and how they apply not just to life, but also to building a business that gives you flexibility, fulfilment, and financial freedom.

You’ll learn:

• Why 'more haste, less speed' is the secret to building your business with patience and trust in the process
• Why you’ll never 'find time - you have to make it
• How 'we must find a way' can help you push through challenges with resourcefulness and resilience
• Why being honest with yourself is the foundation of building a business (and life) aligned with your true values

This isn’t about hustling harder. It’s about living fully, creating your own '3rd path' beyond the 9–5, where you work because you want to, not because you have to.

Quick Wins to Apply Today

• Write down one guiding phrase you’ll carry into your business this week (mine: 'We must find a way').
• Block 1 hour on your calendar this week to work on your business - no matter how messy life feels.

Resources & Links

My free course: Sign your first client in 1 hour/day without cold DMs or hustling 24/7 → sharonsinghsidhu.com/start

Subscribe & review the podcast so more working moms can find it → The 1 Hour/Day Side Hustle Podcast

DM me on LinkedIn: What’s your legacy?

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

Welcome back to another episode of the podcast. So today's episode is inspired by the death anniversary of my dad. So he passed away on the 12th of October 2019. So it's been a number of years, but it still feels very fresh in my mind. Um, with some very specific memories that you know, as I was reflecting on today and kind of honoring his memory and his life, it came up again. And so I wanted to record a podcast. Actually, it's Saturday, kind of the day before, but this has been on my mind, you know, as we draw closer to the actual day of his death anniversary. Um, I've been thinking about this, and you know, I mean, I I as I share this, it's like um I think for me, my idea of death is very different, so I I don't mean to make anyone feel sad or anything. I'm like totally fine because I know he's always with us um all the time and I speak to him all the time, he talks to me all the time, but I just remember, you know, when we were preparing the well rather, I was kind of the person in charge of preparing like a photo montage to be played at his wake, uh short, you know, right after he passed away. Um, and I just as I was putting all together, you know, kind of all the photos that were like really a celebration of his life, I kept hearing him in his voice ask me, you know, what's your legacy going to be? Because this thought of legacy just kept coming to me as I saw him, you know, the photos of him as a very young child until the day that he passed away, ever you know, the the everything that he did in his life, and so his voice just came to me to say, Well, okay, you you looked at my life now, and so what's your legacy going to be? And in memory of his, I mean, in in honor of his memory, right? I wanted to also share his legacy and how it has shaped and guided me and still continues to guide me today. So there are a few like key things that I remember about my dad that he taught me, um, and he kind of shared his wisdom with me, and I wanted to share with you and how it relates to building a business. I'm applying that now, also in terms of building my business. So the first one that he used to love saying a lot was more haste, less speed. And he used to say it, you know, my dear, more haste, less speed, because he was always someone who um, you know, in his last few years, like maybe the last decade of his life, he was wheelchair bound because of a stroke, um, which was a very difficult thing because he was you know fiercely independent before, kind of like the soul bred winner of the family, very mobile. So it was a difficult time, but no matter what, it's so everything just slowed down, right? When you um uh disable, I guess when you lose your mobility, you just move a lot slower, and that was the case for him. And you know, no matter what, I always found him to be ever ready. Whenever we were going out, he would be the first one sitting there and waiting. And even growing up, I used to always rush around and and and zip around, you know. I and as a working mom, of course, time is always um very limited, there's always something else. And whenever he saw me kind of like rushing around, he would always just remind me, my dear, more haste, less speed. And so that was one of his things, and so that's one. And then another one was about how you have to make time for it. And this was when I used to tell him, Oh, I don't have time to like read the news or like to um learn about personal finance, and then he would just tell me, you know, you have to make time for it. He just has this very easy-going, patient way of saying things, very unassuming, and you just drop these like one-liners. Um, and then the third one was uh whenever we encountered difficulties. Uh, I remember this in the context of uh, I think some maybe some relationship problems I was going through as I was growing up, and then he would say things, Well, we must find a way. So, again, quietly saying, We must find a way, you know, just kind of in a very certain tone that was very reassuring. And then uh he used to also give me marriage advice. He would say, You know, you will feel like you're giving more in a marriage than the other person, but so will the other person, and I think that was kind of like you know, as I was newly married and having obviously some adjustment issues, and he would tell me this. Uh, and then finally, just one last one that I wanted to share was you know, I think this one was actually um I think we were upset at something, we were having like quite a a heated, I think he was getting frustrated with me, and he was kind of saying, Be honest with yourself, you know. I think he was trying to tell me to just look at myself, like what I was truly doing versus what I was saying, and probably he sensed and noticed that there was a disconnect or misalignment there, and I remember him saying this out of frustration, like, be honest with yourself, and so I was just like kind of like putting down all these things like that were coming to mind about what he used to tell me, and then just reflecting back on how it had showed up in my business building um activities, and I wanted to to share this with you. So, um, but the other thing that was really uh significant was two weeks after his uh death, I decided to incorporate my company. I mean, kind of like my answer to his question about what my legacy would be, I decided to take my dream of becoming a successful business owner seriously because prior to that I was really just dabbling, you know. Um, and I think the dabbling was because it's a reflection of my fear, right? If my fear that I won't make it as a business owner, because if it didn't work out, I could always tell myself, ah, you know, I was never really serious about it anyway, or I was just dabbling anyway, it was all just for fun, and so I could save my pride and ego, right? Um, but after that I decided to take it a bit more seriously, and one way to tell my mind and tell my brain and signal to myself that this is serious business was just simply incorporating it. And whether I succeeded or not is for real because there's also real paperwork involved, right? When you actually incorporate a company. And this brings to mind what Henry Ford would say. Like he remember his famous quote about whether you think you can or you can't, you're right. So whether I thought that I could succeed as a business owner or that I couldn't, I was right. I would, I was it would just be a self-fulfilling prophecy, was basically what Henry Ford was trying to say. Um, and so that kind of really started off this legacy building process or journey, I suppose, in terms of building my business. And over the years since then, of course, 2019 till now, it's been a number of years, really a lot of things have evolved along the way, and I've learned so much and gained a lot of skills and experience and wisdom along the way. Um, but you know, finally, I think this this year, I suppose in the recent few years, it's really been about um creating the third path for myself and showing other moms how to create this third path. And so, if you don't know what this third path I'm talking about, is I'm actually referring to building a lifestyle business, um, meaning that I get to have the flexibility of when and where I work, I experience fulfillment where I do work I'm deeply curious about that helps other people, makes a difference in the world that is fulfilling for me, and that also gives me financial freedom where I no longer stress and worry about money all the time. And so when I say lifestyle business, it is about supporting a certain lifestyle at one, but I guess specifically you might have heard people talk about this um phrase solopreneurship where we are not talking about building a huge corporation with VC funding and then with plans for an exit later. I mean, I'm not talking about that, I'm a one-person show, and um, of course, I have a VA virtual assistant who supports me, but that's and oh, I have someone who's helping me with the accounting and the paperwork and the uh legal side of it, but that's really about it, you know. Uh, and so this is what I mean by a lifestyle business is a small one-person business that supports the lifestyle that you want, and the way I see it is that it's about creating this third path, like the lifestyle business is creating a third path for working moms, especially, and I think this is especially important now for working moms, it is more possible now than ever before, and why I think it's important, especially for working moms, is because I feel that traditional 9 to 5 jobs they really aren't supportive of working moms, whereas a lifestyle business, on the other hand, is exactly what we need in terms of um the work that we want to do. And why is a traditional 9 to 5 not supportive of working mums? Well, for one, it calls for fixed working hours and a fixed location, and this becomes difficult when you're balancing childcare, elder care, maybe you're managing a household as well. It gets very, very challenging when your core hours are in the office when you actually want to spend time with your kids, right? And so this is the one thing I feel why Night of a big thing why NightO5 doesn't really support working moms. The second thing, which probably applies even way more to I mean to everyone, is that you're earning um you're you're limited in terms of how much you can earn because in a job there are always salary caps, salary ranges that guide how much a certain job you can be paid within a certain job, and these salary caps are actually inversely related me to the work that you do. In other words, the better you get at what you do, the more your earnings will be capped. What do I mean by this? Because you will find that when you're a top performer, you tend to get piled with more work just because you're very capable, you're very efficient, you tend to get more work at the same pay, which means your hourly rate is getting lower and lower, right? And no matter how good you get at your job, you're always going to be subject to that salary cap. And even if you say yes, you you you then accept the promotion, yes, it is a choice for you to accept or reject a promotion, you get into that next job, and again that job is kept, and so you're forever kept, you know. So that's the one thing that I find really hard in a 9 to 5 because it this in is a disincentive to actually be good at your job. And I know I'm saying this as HR, and I know I'm in talent development, and I'm always trying to kind of help people um develop to their full potential, and I I still believe in that because I think that when we do, of course, when we are really good at what we do, we actually get a lot more options and choices, and you can choose to stay and continue in that 9 to 5 framework, which is again, some people love that there are many aspects about being in a job and being in the corporate environment that I love, but I also like the idea of having an unlimited earning potential, right? And so that's the reason why I do both. Um, and then thirdly, why nine to fives aren't supportive of working moms. Again, I feel this might be in general applying to everyone, even beyond working moms, is that of course there's the financial insecurity from layoffs, which are completely out of your control. So, for these three reasons, I feel 9 to 5 really aren't supportive of working moms. I think the fixed hours fixed location thing is the biggest one. But I think when it comes to also learning earning in terms of we want to make more money, not just because we want to flash it and buy flashy cars and handbags and whatnot, those are nice along the way. But I think for many of us, it is really to provide a better life and future for our kids, right? And to take care of ourselves in retirement so we don't become a burden to our kids, and um, so yeah, that's why I think that's important. So, why and how does a lifestyle business, on the other hand, become something that exactly working moms need? Well, in a lifestyle business, you can work from anywhere, anytime with anyone. This is what I call the WFAA, right? WFAA work from anywhere, anytime with anyone. Technology gives you access to a global audience, it gives you access to like my VA is not based locally here, right? Um, and so you actually get to work with anyone that you like anytime across time zones. Secondly, you're earning limitations. Oh, there's no such thing as salary caps, right? There's no job grade when it comes to building your own business. You make however money, however much money that you want. You can choose the work that you want to do, and the better you get at it, in other words, the the more valuable you are, um, the more you help people, the faster you help people get results, the more effective your work is, the more money you make. And the more money, the more value you can provide, you can charge more. The faster you do your work because now you're better, you're more experienced, you know, and whatnot, you can actually then start charging in terms of outcomes and results rather than your hourly rate. Like, you know, so so it it just makes sense financially, and of course, you can build in financial security by creating multiple sources of income, and that does not mean you have to work more. Again, this is the mindset and the myth and the limiting belief that in order to make more money you need to spend more time. As I've just explained, that is not the case, right? Because you can spend like what used to take you an hour, now maybe only takes you five minutes, and so which means that you can actually um take on more clients, for example, or take on more projects, because you don't need five hours to complete five projects or work with five clients, you only need 25 minutes, for example, right? And so these multiple sources of incomes can be from your one-same business, it's just that it's expressed in different ways. It can be expressed as an ebook, it can be expressed as an online program, it can be a membership you pro you kind of create, you can provide coaching to a group, you can provide coaching to a one-on-one basis, you can do speaking engagements, it's all around your one main business idea, and you can have different sources of income. Um, and because of that, the the possibilities are really endless now, especially with the ability to connect with anyone around the world. Like technology is so affordable, like technology makes that so affordable now, right? Social media is practically free. Um, and therefore, because you can do this, the impact that you can make is also endless, and hence your income potential is endless. It is up to you how much you want to put into it, right? And that is again your call, your decision, um, rather than some someone else dictating that this is the salary range just because this is how we defined it, um, in the case of a 9 to 5. And so, for this reason, why I think like the third path is especially relevant for working mums, um, and so that comes to the answer to my dad's question: what's gonna be my legacy? So, to me, therefore, I'm building all of this, right? The lifestyle business, the third path, and all of this. Um, but the most important legacy for me as a mom is showing my kids that they can make their dreams come true too. Um, by them watching me doing what I'm doing. It's like my way of showing them what it takes. Yeah, you it's all nice to have a dream, everyone has a dream, and as parents, we encourage our kids to go for their dreams until it becomes a little bit uncomfortable and we worry, oh, are they going to be able to take care of themselves and support themselves, right? But you see, I'm showing them yes, you do have practical responsibilities and you have bills to pay, so I take a job that can cover that. And at the same time, I have this dream. They know very clearly. My daughter tells me, Oh, you're not making like enough money to like you know, quit your job and everything. You know, what's the point? I mean, do it as long as you enjoy it, you know. And so I feel like they are always watching us and watching what we do and not so much what we say. And so, my legacy would be to show them day by day, moment by moment, exactly what it takes to make my dreams come true so they can see it unfold for themselves. And I see it now happening with my son, it's really, really cool. Like, you know, how he is going after what he's really passionate about and making it work and making money, you know, um, from it, or making at least making people know know more about what he's doing, right? And so it's really inspiring to watch them as they grow up actually do that for themselves. And so, what's what does it take? For those of you maybe who are kind of like thinking about starting a business or maybe already are in it and things aren't really working um the way you it's you know you want it to. I just want to share a little bit for just to give a glimpse behind the scenes of what it actually takes, because I think sometimes all you see on social media is like how fantastic it is. They sell the dream, but they don't sell what it is behind the scenes, right? First of all, it takes 100% self-delusion. Yes, I said that self-delusion, and by that I mean 100% self-belief. Self-belief, believe in yourself, your ability to do it, believe in your dreams, especially when no one else believes in you, because it is not their job to believe in you, it is your job to believe in yourself. This comes back to what my dad said, right? You must find a way, you must find a way no matter how, no matter what. Um, and you must have you must find a way to actually be uh 100% certain that everything is happening for you, especially as you encounter challenges along the way, which you for sure will. Um and so it is through these challenges, through finding a way, no matter how, no matter what, it is by l finding a way through these challenges, right, that you build confidence and that you make your dreams come true. So, whatever you want, whatever your heart's desire, whatever dream it is, the path to getting there is through challenges, and so we must accept that, right? And so, in order to push through these challenges, we need to have 100% self-delusional belief in ourselves. When everyone else tells you to give up, when everyone else tells you it's not going to work out, when everyone tells you you've been doing this for so long, just give up, it's clearly not working out. You have to push through, you must find a way, okay? And so I'm trying to link it now back to everything my dad said to show you how everything he said, like I said, oh man, really wise, right? All of these things are so true. The second thing is that all these challenges that you're going to encounter along the way of making your dreams come true, they are not there to make things hard for you, to make life miserable for you, they are not a test, but they are actually to validate that this is really what you want. Because as you encounter challenges, you're going to find that you know what, this is really not worth my time and effort anymore. I'm going to shift, I'm going to course correct. And there will be things that will come up that despite whatever challenges, you are still gonna keep going. And these are all signals and signs to you of what really matters to you. Because without these challenges, when life is all good, you're never really going to truly know what's really important to you because it's through tough times and you still stick with it that you know, ah, this is really, really, really, really what I want, right? I've had many validation moments, I have so many things that I've tried that failed, business ideas I thought were my dream that weren't in the end, and through challenges was how I figured that out, and then there were some that no matter what, it still stood the test of time. For example, this building this business, becoming a successful business owner is something. It was a seed that was planted in my heart. I don't know why, I don't know how, but since my 20s, and I'm 50. Now I'm gonna be f well actually no, I lied. I just turned 51 last month and I keep forgetting, I am 51. But you know, through these decades, it stood the test of time, it's still something I still do, no matter how challenging it is, in spite of everything else, even in the midst of a 9 to 5, even through motherhood and through all of this, it's still here, it's the constant. And so this is how I realize I know, oh, you know, my actions, my decisions are telling me, oh, this is actually really what I want. This is again what my dad used to say about being honest with yourself. And I would add to that, being honest with yourself and accepting yourself that you are perfectly whole, you're complete, you're worthy, you're loved just as you are. There's no need for you to pretend to be someone else, to be loved and accepted by anyone else, because you are the only person you need to love and accept. Like you you're the only person um that you need the love and acceptance from, meaning to say love and accept yourself and first. Because I feel like I think deep deep down, like many of us are unconsciously not aware that it is because of the self-rejection um and um that we don't accept ourselves, we don't think we're good enough, that we try to do things to kind of impress others and be loved and accepted by others. So uh yeah, so I think that's like the first order of business is love and accept yourself, right? And then be honest with yourself, what you truly want, what truly matters to you, and challenges will show you that. And then the third thing is to be 100% patient and trust in the process. More haste, less speed, my dear. Okay, so making your tree your dreams come true, it really takes time. It takes time, it takes persistence, it takes dedication, it takes that you need to stick through with it. Um, because you need to accumulate skills, especially if you're like an employee all your life and then you're trying to step out into entrepreneurship, different set of skills, completely opposite set of rules. You know, you you're starting from scratch. Imagine yourself going from kindergarten again, okay? That's what it means. But of course, now there's so many tools, there's so many coaches, there's so many programs. It's really um, you know, it's not going to be like you're going to kindergarten, but it's it's going to be at a much accelerated pace. And so, but you still need some time, you still need some patience, you need to have practice to gain the experience. So, more haste, less speed. You know, trust the process, stay focused on your dream, your vision, and all you need to do is just put one foot in front of the other and trust that the next step will reveal itself with each step you take. And that's why don't give up, keep putting one foot in front of the other. Make sure you're clear about why you want that dream and why it's worth it to you. And along the way, you might find that certain things are not worth it to you, it's not important to you, which is fine. You can you can always shape and mold and evolve, right? But always keep putting that one foot in front of the other, right? 100% patience and trust in the process, and then prioritize finally. This was kind of like my final point prioritize and make time for what's truly important for you. So this is all about making time, right? Making time for it, right? So for me, of course, besides making time to take care of my health and being with my family, it's really my business. My business more than my job is very clear to me what's a priority. Um, and so I think like when it comes to making time and knowing what's important, it's also about knowing when it's enough, right? So, for example, if I'm clear my my business is a priority, I'm at least in this point in my life. Um, then I know that if I have a job that covers the bills and you know gives me the time to be with my family and to build my business, then I'll say no to everything else, including promotions. Promotions are going to take more of my time, more of my energy from my family, from my business. It's going to create more distractions for me via more stress and energy and attention that's required from me. Um, and the hourly rate just doesn't work out for me. So, you know, I I have rejected promotions like multiple times now. Uh, and that's very flattering. I mean, I'm very flattered and I feel great that people, you know, like my my bosses would offer me the next job or even their own job as they're leaving, but I just like say thank you, it's really um I really appreciate it, but no thanks, right? Because I know what's enough, I know what's my priority, and I'm prioritizing it and making time for that. And so, in terms of making time for my business, I dedicate my lunch hour um to building my business, you know, my weekday evenings, my weekend mornings to business building activities. So that's how I prioritize, right? And I know there was one final thing that my dad shared, which is the about the marriage piece, right? Give you feel feel like you're giving more in a marriage than the other person, but the other person will feel the same. And so I'm gonna leave that for next week's podcast episode because I'm gonna talk a lot more about um my husband and you know, some of these things are around like how you feel you're giving more and how it is like it's got many parallels to your business as you're building your business. So um stay tuned for the next episode. But that's all I have for this week. Um, and it is actually in gratitude and in memory of my dad. So, all of these little polls of wisdom he shared with me, I'm taking it along with me in my business building um journey. So, oh my voice is going now. So, if you like this episode, please follow the show on whatever um you know podcast player you're listening on Spotcast or Apple Podcasts or something else. Follow the show. And if you are on Apple Podcasts, please leave me a review because what that does is of course it helps other people to find a show, but more importantly, I like to know that I'm not speaking into the void, you know that someone's listening and that it's helpful for you. And I do, of course, read all those reviews, so um, do leave me a review, even if it's just um the rating on the stars or just one word or a line, I would so appreciate that. And if you are on Spotify, because I know some of you have told me you don't listen to Apple Podcasts on Spotify. I don't think you can leave a review, but you can always drop me a DM or on LinkedIn or just comment on one of my posts to let me know. Um, and if you're a working mom like me, also interested in creating your own third path, starting your own lifestyle business, then get my free course to learn how the starting steps, what are some of the starting steps? It's kind of quite contrary to what you'll hear most people say. I I have a very different approach to it, which I feel is more sustainable and does not require you to go and do those crazy cold DMs and sales calls and you know sleazy tactics. And I believe more in the approach of attracting people to you rather than you chasing after them. Because after all, I think Seth Golden said that it's so much nicer to be sought than to be seeking, isn't it? Right? I yeah, I don't like to go chasing after people. I would rather have the right people who actually are interested in what I'm saying to just come to me very naturally, and it's it feels so nice, right? So if you're interested, um get my free course. Oh, I haven't given you the link, it's sharensingu.com forward slash start. Okay, as in start, right? And I'll put the link in the show notes as well. So thank you so much for your time. I think it's a bit of a longer episode, so thanks so much for listening. Bye.