177: Scared to Be Seen? How to Share Your Story Without Feeling Like a Fraud

Does the thought of posting online make you feel like a fraud? You’re not alone. For many working moms starting a side business, imposter syndrome and fear of visibility are the biggest roadblocks.

In this episode, I share:

• Why imposter syndrome shows up (and why it never fully disappears, even for 'successful' people.
• How to use your lived experience as proof you’re already qualified to help others.
• A 7-step process to move through self-doubt so you can share your story without fear.
• My personal journey of posting on LinkedIn as a full-time HR leader and working mom, even when senior leaders were watching.

Key message: You don’t have to be the world’s top expert to be valuable. You just need to share your story, because someone out there needs to hear it in your words, at this exact moment.

Listen to the full episode now!

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

Hello and welcome to another episode of the podcast. So, today's episode, I wanted to talk about this idea around imposter syndrome. As in when you're starting out and you're starting your own business, you might be trying to figure out what is it that you want to talk about, what you want to teach, who you want to help, and how you want to help them. And in the beginning, it's going to feel as if you are not qualified to talk about this or to teach this. And I know it's something that a lot of us encounter, even people who are already maybe people you are looking up to who are your mentors and role models, and they also um do share about how they also deal with this sort of like you know, imposter syndrome, self-doubt. And so I wanted to make this episode because I know, like, for me personally, I also have encountered this, I experienced this. Uh, I still continue to experience it. I think at every level we continue to experience it, and so I wanted to talk about this in terms of what it is, what you might be experiencing. First of all, to help help you understand and realize that you're not alone at any level of success, everyone still encounters this, and importantly, what you can do about it to move past it so that you can continue to you know teach what you want to teach, share what you want to share to help uh the people that you want to help. So, this is going to be for you if right now you are feeling as if you're not qualified enough to talk about the thing that you talk about, that you don't yet have the credentials to teach about the topic that you feel called to talk about or to teach and to share. And I want to share a little bit uh from my example, and maybe you would then be able to relate and apply it to yourself about how you can use what you already know, whether that's your lived experience, your or your professional experience, but how you can use this and share this with the world and do it in a way that feels you know like like true. It's um you're honest about it, you're true about it, and therefore you can feel confident about what you're talking about, what you're sharing, because you yourself, you've done this, you've overcome it, you've experienced it. And so I hope that this episode brings you some encouragement, gives you inspiration that you can do this, that you can you know show with practical actions how you can um do this in a very, very um doable way, I guess that's the word what I'm trying to say. So um, one of the things that I kind of try to always uh use or I try to remember as I am whatever it is, whether I'm creating content, whether I'm making these episodes, whatever it is that I'm sharing with you, I always try to frame it through the lens of challenges that I myself have overcome and what I've done. And this is something that you can also start to think about. Think about what's something that you have overcome, maybe a difficult situation or a challenge you have overcome or a problem you have solved, and then just share about that. And I know although we we we know this, right? I mean, it makes a logical sense to share about things that you've done, you know, whether it's documenting your process or talking about you know a situation you face, a challenge you face, what exactly you did, and then what was the outcome of that? It's it's it seems very obvious, but I think as we start to share this, you might reach a point where you feel like, oh, you know, everyone already knows this. Who am I to be sharing this? Doesn't everyone already know how to do this? Uh, I know that's definitely some of the thoughts I had in my mind, and so it's also about realizing that even if you do feel that way, that this is no big deal, like everyone will know how to deal with this, it doesn't hurt for you to share it because for sure there's going to be one person out of the what if is it now, eight billion people in the world who will be able to hear something, and not only that, it isn't it isn't just about sharing something that someone can relate to, because sometimes it could also be that at that very precise time, at that very precise place, you know. I believe that everything happens in perfect harmony and everything is arranged in the most perfect way, that someone just needed to hear you say it. It may not have been the first time they've heard the idea or the topic that you're talking about, but it is just the perfect time, and you were just saying it in a perfect way, in a style that they finally could hear it, or they heard a different um aspect or level of it. And so I feel like even though it might feel like sometimes we are saying something that's very basic, or it's something that we've talked about before, you know, it it just because of divine timing and perfect timing, and someone who was just there at the right time, right place, it's exactly what they really needed to hear from you, and that can actually make the entire difference for that person. And so I really, whenever I encounter this kind of like imposter syndrome, or I have a lot of doubt about uh is what I'm even saying actually even valuable, like would anyone even care? And I would try to remind myself about you know about this very thing that maybe it could be something I've said it for the tenth time, but someone just needed to hear it at that time, at that place, in the way that I was saying it, right? And so I like to use um my own personal and professional lived experience to talk about how you know um I'm signing clients, and so even though I am not at that income level or not a um I have not reached certain goals that I've set for myself in terms of growing my own side business, I know that I have signed clients and therefore I am qualified enough to talk about this because it's something that I've already done, even though I'm not yet quite at that you know income level that I want to make. And I feel like the imposter syndrome um comes in because we feel that we're not quite at that level yet, right? And then who am I to be talking about this? And so I like to talk about um signing clients because, of course, so many of us are here doing our own businesses because we want to make extra money, right? Or we want to make that our sole source of income or our main main gig. If this is not your side gig, maybe that's something you want to do. You want they want to be able to quit your nine to five job and just run your business full-time. So we are definitely here not just as a hobby, we are actually trying to make it work as a real business, right? And so I tend to talk about um what I'm doing to sign clients, and I share about my decision around why I decided to start my own business on the side, even though I was working a full-time job and raising two kids. And for me, it was initially to make extra money to provide a better life for my kids and my family. And after that whole journey of trial and error, after I made that decision that okay, I want to start a side business because I want to create multiple income streams. You know, I did not want to be kept in terms of my earning capacity that you would be in a in a job, like there's always going to be a salary cap, uh, and there's going to be always this trading time for money. I really did not want that, and so that began my whole journey of trial and error, trying to figure out what works, and there were so many things that didn't work, and then you know, really going and into exploring what was it that I was willing to do for this goal that I had and this dream that I had, and what I wasn't willing to do, um, how do I keep going and never giving up? Um, you know, and that obviously helps when you have a clear purpose and why you're doing this, like for me, it will be for my kids, and so like just sharing about that journey, even though I don't necessarily am, I may not actually be an expert, you know, in whatever trial and error I was going through, it was really more like a documenting the process, and you know, so I had to overcome my fears of visibility, for example, to post online and to continue showing up online, even though I had senior leaders actually at my workplaces who were watching, and I literally I think the very first time I saw that um the global head of HR in one of my previous companies I worked in was uh started to follow me. I saw her pop up in my LinkedIn, like, oh you know, so and so is following you. I literally felt like throwing up, I was feeling like, oh my goodness, this person like knows I exist on LinkedIn, knows that I'm posting about this, and then after that, another senior leader commented on my post, and again I felt sick to my stomach. Again, I felt so worried and nauseous and worried, and then only to have her come up to me and say that she really enjoys what I'm posting. And so, even though it was scary, it was very flattering, and it was very um, it felt good, you know. It felt like okay, I I think I'm not gonna get in trouble for doing this and for saying this, and then it just continued, right? Like another senior leader um uh followed me and again popped up, and I was like, Oh my goodness, this person is also like watching me here, and so it was like again and again I felt like the universe was giving me signs and just kind of reassurance that it's okay, it's okay to be seen online because what you're doing, and I literally did come right out and ask, you know, sometimes I ask like a senior leader, oh you know, they would actually talk to me about something I posted online, and I would just kind of like sound them out, like you know, is that a problem? Like if I posted these things, uh, even though I'm here working in this job, and they're totally cool with it, and you might find that actually your fears about appearing online and being visible online, sometimes they are just really in your head, and that these people that you're so afraid of, they are also humans, like you and I. You know, maybe something that you are saying they are also resonating with just because they don't tell you, does not mean that they may not actually be uh feeling what you're feeling, right? Who knows? They might also be feeling the same kind of insecurities as you, the same kind of trappers as you, the same kind of golden handcuffs that you feel have you have on, they might feel that they are also like that, and so I as I always say, I mean, as someone in HR, and I'm still currently working in a uh in a role in a HR role, even though I decided not to put my current company on my LinkedIn profile for strategic reasons, and I can talk about that in a minute, but I decided not to do that. But what I'm trying to say is that even though um you know you might be thinking that they are gonna be thinking one thing, but in actual fact they are not, a lot of the times maybe they can really relate with what you're saying. And so, now to my point about why I decided not to put my current employer on my LinkedIn profile. You know, I I kind of tried different, I kind of experimented with this before. So in the past, I would not put it, and then I would put it, and then I'll put it as like a generic name, you know, I'll keep the company name confidential, but I'll just put like I'm still employed. Um, and I'm I'm I'm in HR, right? So, like I said, I I'm always mindful that I want to be respectful, you know. No matter what I put online, I want to make sure that it's something that if my kids saw me talking about, they'd be totally comfortable. They might even I want them to be proud of me, also, right? Um, and so I always say that no matter what you're putting online, if you are currently employed in a job, obviously check your contracts first to make sure that you're there's no conflict of interest, but also in terms of being professional and being respectful, like how this is your professional reputation here, right? Like, how do you want what do you what kind of a person do you want to be known for? Not just online, but even if you met these people in person, would you be able to look them in the eye? Would you be able to still continue to do what you do and you know feel okay with it and feel proud about what you're doing and not feel embarrassed and ashamed about what you're doing, right? And so I think like even being visible online, whether you decide you want to put your company name or not, it is all about being respectful and being professional, right? And so, anyway, yeah, so what I'm saying is when when I have any fear or doubt or feel like I'm not qualified enough, I'll just talk about whatever it is that I'm doing. You know, I'll talk about things like how I create content consistently, how I what my system is all about, because I work full-time and um I have my own family, I I want to spend time with my kids too. Time is always for me very precious, and so I'm very intentional about how I use my time, and so I talk about that. Those are things that no one can dispute, right? I mean, like I talk about how I manage my finances because at one time I was the sole provider and uh the primary earner, I'm the one bringing in the regular income because my husband's role is more erratic in terms of his income stream, and so you know, I talk about how I change my money stories and my beliefs to overcome my fears of not making enough money, and so all of these things, everything that I'm learning along the way, the kind of things that I'm interested in with map, with human design, the ancient spiritual spiritual wisdom that I'm into now, like the universal laws and the Kabbalah, and sharing about all of these things and how it applies to growing my business. And so I think like when you share from a place of exactly what you are doing right now, um you you know there no one can say it's wrong or that it's not valid because that is your your experience, right? And there are obviously different ways that everyone there's an infinite number of ways you could deal with a topic. So even though you share about how maybe your way of dealing with a challenge, someone can come along and say, you know, that's like not a very good way, or that's wrong, or I don't agree with that, and I think sometimes that's where the fear might come in as well. But the point I'm trying to make is that if that's something that you have done, you have learned from it, even if it was so-called a wrong decision, which I don't believe that's ever a wrong decision, it's just your decision, and you learn from it, and you can even talk about those things. You know, I I thought that would be something that I would do, it would be the best thing to do, and I tried to do it, and you know what, the consequences or the outcome wasn't exactly what I expected. This was what happened, this is what I might do differently in future, and then I'm gonna try doing this other thing in a different way, and you know, this is how we actually can kind of share in a very real, sincere, and genuine way without also worrying about like pretending to be someone we're not, pretending to be an expert when we are don't feel like we are an expert in that area, and I think this is one way that you can overcome this kind of like self-doubt and you know sense of like you are not qualified to talk about this thing, right? Because you are for sure qualified to talk about your experience because that's your experience, you know. So you can hundred percent confidently um talk about that and share that. What are you learning from it? What are the insights you've gained, how would you do things differently, or how would you do things the same and do more of something? And so I hope this could be a way to encourage you to kind of like um step uh or or get through or overcome that that fear or doubt. And next time that fear, doubt, or imposter syndrome shows up, I've got like seven quick steps you can you can do because if you're like me, maybe you like steps, I love my steps, and so I kind of really try to map it down to every time I feel um insecure or I feel like I'm not qualified to do this. What is my process of getting to the point that even though I might feel imposter syndrome, I still find it in myself to take one step forward and share and do um you know the best that I can. And so here are my seven steps. The first step is again my favorite always pause, just simply pause, pause and allow yourself to feel whatever that feeling is, whether it's the doubt, the fear, the uncertainty, like you're not qualified enough. Just allow yourself, acknowledge that it is fine, it's totally normal. And then step two is to notice what it feels like in your body and where it shows up. So for me, a lot of times these fears, a lot of it's always in my head. I'm always overthinking things and all playing out all the different scenarios and who's gonna say what and what kind of trouble I'm gonna get into. So just allow yourself, you know, to feel that and notice where it comes up. Maybe for you it might be a different part of your body, right? Then number three, I would say, is assess how how real the threat is. First of all, any threat to your physical safety, that's number one. And then number two is to think about okay, where where is this? Where am I feeling the threat? Is it just a story in my head? Is it some something I'm playing out in my head that's not even like happening at all and maybe very unlikely to happen? So that's step three. So one is to pause and feel it, two is to notice where it feels like in your body, three is to assess how real that threat is. Number four, what's the worst case scenario, right? So maybe some people laugh at you, maybe some people gossip behind your back, you know, can you survive that? You know, is it really so terrible? And for me, I like to visualize the highest version of myself. If I was truly that successful business owner that I want to be, how will she handle it? Would she be uncomfortable? Maybe so, maybe she would be uncomfortable, but could she survive it? Yes, for sure. And how would she go about surviving this by com remembering what she's doing all of this for? Like for me, it is to provide my kids with better opportunities to have a better life. You know, that's really more important to me than what anyone else says about me, right? And so I think when you can remind yourself, imagine yourself as the highest version of yourself, what would she do? Or if you can't see that, think about the person you really look up to and aspire to be. How do you think she's going to respond? How do you think she's going to um react to people who are judging her, right? So that's four. And then number five is to recognize that this discomfort, whatever it is that you're feeling, the fear, the doubt, the worry, is actually the process of you becoming the version of you, that the best version of you that you need to be in order to accomplish your goal. So, because when you want to be a let's say a successful business owner, you know that a successful business owner is going to be completely fine with the critics, right? And will deal with all these critics with poise, with courage, with strength, with quiet confidence, whatever it is. Like for me, I always have the visual of someone who's very cool, calm, and collected. You know, she's totally self-assured. She can have lots of critics and people who say that you know she doesn't know what she's doing, and she will be fine. She'll take it and she'll look at it and see what's valid, what needs to be acted on, and what isn't at all valid, and she still continues to move forward. And so that's the process of you becoming that version of yourself, who then goes on to have that successful business that you want. So that's step five. So step one was pause, step two was notice what it feels like in your body, step three was assess the real threat. Here, is there any step four is to run through the worst case scenario? Could you survive that and how would you survive that, right? And step five is to recognize this discomfort is you becoming that version of you, the higher, better version that you need to be to achieve the goals that you want. And then step six is to repeat certain mantras or mantras, however you want to pronounce that, to reinforce you know the kind of beliefs that you need to have, whether it is to have certainty, certainty to overcome the doubt, right? Even with when at first, when you say these mantras, they might feel fake, they might feel awkward at first. I um tend to journal these out daily and until they become automatic, until they kind of really go into my subconscious, and they just become part of my identity. So, some example mantras would be, you know, something like I replace doubt with certainty, I claim my success, I'm whole and complete. Now that's really more about a self-acceptance, and you know, I align with all the blessings that are coming my way. I mean, you can come up with whatever it is that helps you feel certain and confident, um, and to help you overcome that doubt. And so these are just some example mantras. Of course, the the one that I always like is you know, everything is always happening for me, and you might have heard that you know my success is inevitable, or everything that I want is already here or on the way. So, any of these that you know come come that you feel apply to you that help you to be more certain to overcome those doubts, then you can start to kind of repeat that because you literally need to like practice and repeat. That's really how we get good at anything until it becomes second nature. Same thing with our identity, right? And how we see ourselves and how we talk to ourselves, and so I like to journal these down. And then number seven is then eventually you need to act based on these mantras, right? So we when we say these things, that's one step, but then we need to take the action based on these mantras or this new identity, this new belief system. So when we do that by saying it, it's one level, then acting in accordance to that, we are now solidifying this new identity where we are actually assuming this identity, right? So becoming a successful business owner means that you step into this new identity because when you want to be a successful business owner, or however you define success, for me, I use revenue goals and income goals, and um, in terms of the activities, my day-to-day activities, how I use my time, and all of this. So I have different indicators and definition of what success uh being a successful business owner looks like for me, and so I will act in accordance with that. And we know that becoming a successful business owner by whatever definition you have means that you have to assume the identity of such a person first before you can actually see it materialize in your physical world. You are actually building when you build a business, you are actually also in the process of becoming a better version of yourself, a higher version of us yours of yourself, right? The one who is cool, calm, and collected, right? In the face of critics and judgment as you are growing this business. And so those were my seven steps that I I tend to go through. So, first is to pause and feel the fear, whatever it is that you're feeling, just acknowledge it. Number two is to notice where it feels like for you in your body or in your mind. Number three is to assess how real that threat is, you know, and then number four is play through what's the worst case scenario, and how can you survive that? Can you and and to survive that I try to visualize myself going through that scenario and how I would act or highest how my highest version of me would act. Number five is to recognize that this come this discomfort that you're feeling, it is helping you to become the better version, the version of you that you need to be to have the successful business that you want. Number six is to have mantras and repeat them daily, write them out even better, and then number seven is to act based on these mantras, right? This new identity, and and literally act as the better and higher version of yourself. And so that is kind of my simple process of what are the things you can talk about so that you feel qualified to talk about it, talk about whatever you're going through, what you're overcoming, challenges you have solved, you know, things that you've tried that worked or not worked, and then you know, a simple seven-steps um process seven-step process of how you can then overcome that fear and doubt or imposter syndrome. And so I hope that this episode was helpful for you, um, gave you a few tips, and so um, if you feel like this was helpful, feel free to let me know, send me a DM on LinkedIn, or you can comment on any of my posts to let me know. And if you like this episode, please remember to follow the show. And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, please leave a review, it helps to get the show out to more people. And speaking of getting it out to more people, do share it with someone that you think would benefit from it. And if you're a working mom like me who also is thinking about starting, or maybe you have started and you want to grow a business on the side while working a 9 to 5 job, and maybe you're raising a fat a family, or maybe you're a caregiver to elderly parents, um, then get my free course where I share my framework of how you can sign clients, even if you only have one hour a day to work on your business. I know moms like us, working moms like us, are very busy, but it doesn't mean you have to give up on your dreams, right, and your ambition. You can still build your business on the side, even if you only have an hour a day, and you can do it also in a way without having to spam people with cold DMs or make you know sleazy sales calls or um constantly being on social media 24-7. So if that's something that you um are interested in, definitely get my free course, which is at sharensingsidou.com forward slash start s t-t, and I'll put that link also in the show notes. And um, and I think that's the end of today's episode. So I will talk to you again in the next one. Thanks so much and have a good week. Bye.